Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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