I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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