No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Randomize
