OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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