Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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