He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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