Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize