I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
