Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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