Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
