there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
