were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
