It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Randomize
