just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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