Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
