sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
