Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
