I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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