By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
