let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
