I'm eating all of the evidence.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
