So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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