I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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