what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
