So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
