Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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