I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
