she woke up with a sticky ear
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
