the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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