im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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