I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
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He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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