He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
