Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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