woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
