She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
