he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
so much tequila, so little girl.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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