i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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