I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
