Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
