I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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