god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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