i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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