1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A bitchslap is in order.
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