you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
