I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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