I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
