O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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