don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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