If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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