She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
