After last night, I could never be a politician.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
