I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
