it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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