i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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