Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
