Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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