Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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