Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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