speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
