Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
