what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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