I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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