You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
