Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
